Person of the Week on Master Giraffe

Ian Boynton

He removed his own teeth with pliers because he couldn’t afford a dentist.

Daily Mail:

A former soldier pulled his own teeth out with a pair of pliers because he could not find a dentist to take on NHS patients.

Iraq War veteran Ian Boynton could not afford to go private for treatment so instead took the drastic action to remove 13 of his teeth that were giving him severe pain.

The 42-year-old, from Beverley, East Yorkshire, had not had his teeth looked at since seeing the army dentist in 2003. He had not been registered with a dentist of his own since 2001.

He said: ‘I’ve tried to get in at 30 dentists over the last eight years but have never been able to find one to take on NHS patients.’

But when Mr Boynton started suffering from toothache in 2006 he decided to take drastic action.

He said: ‘I started having pain in a front tooth, which protruded slightly more than the others. I was constantly fiddling with it and wiggling it because it hurt so much.

‘In the end I knew it had to come out and had to use the pliers to pull it.  Amazingly, it did not hurt as much as you might think.

‘I think I’d been prising it that much in the meantime that I’d been killing the nerve.’

In the last two years Mr Boynton has pulled out 13 top teeth including molars, incisors and canines. He now only has two teeth left in the roof of his mouth.

He served as a medic in Iraq in 2003, but six months after leaving the Territorial Army had an accident while working as a paint sprayer that aggravated an old back injury.

Unemployed Mr Boynton, who is single, said: ‘It’s a horrible situation to be in when you can’t afford to go to the dentist when your teeth were so bad.’

In a stroke of ill-timed luck he has now finally found a dentist to take him on.

Mr Boynton said: ‘I think the situation has improved slightly because of all the uproar. Unfortunately it came too late for me.

‘I desperately needed a dentist because, although I’m no longer in pain, I need to have false teeth as I’m finding it difficult to eat.

‘Unfortunately I can’t make false teeth myself.’

The Might Putty Dub Man

You’ve gotta check out this vid, this guy REALLY knows how to sell a product. Legend!

Evan Reynolds. Why? Because he lost his arm in an accident and spent approx 30,000 smacks to get a new arm - ‘Luke Skywalker Style’.

Check out the video here.

Spencer Tyler Thomas Svenskeysen a.k.a. SPENCER SKEY

How did a slumdog from Mitcham manage to snatch one of the most honorary awards of modern times?

Well, it’s because Master Giraffe is corrupt, Spencer probably voted for himself 6 times and that the award is more of an ‘encouragement’ award as opposed to an ‘achievement’ award (not that anyone was notified that during the voting process).

An encouragement award? Well lets take a look at who Spencer Skey beat to take out the title. Heath Ledger and Barack Obama. Now lets be honest, who could compete with them? Who would actually have the bravery, balls and willpower to take on these such talented men?

I know who. His name is Spencer Skey.

Earlier this year, Spencer Skey, knowing that he can’t act for shit, decided to approach Christopher Nolan and said he’d be a better joker than Heath Ledger and that he should replace him. Nolan gave Spencer a chance, and suddenly Spencer put his kit on and was doing some promotional shots. However, Spencer was soon kicked out of Warner Bros. studios after Nolan asked him for a ‘Very Serious’ pose:

Spencer was hurt. His career was over. But unlike most people who decide to turn their life into drugs, Spencer wanted another challenge.  He went through many ideas, such as becoming the first man to cartwheel across europe, fight 4 lions with a table tennis bat or just posting more on Master Giraffe.

No, “too easy” he said. Spencer wanted something more, something big. It was at this moment when Spencer Skey decided he would run for the 2008 US Presidential Election:

Choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate, Spencer’s view on killing all birds in America and replacing the eagle as their national emblem with a Liger, eventually handed the victory to now president Barack Obama, who is obviously happy with the free ride he got after knowing that Spencer Skey was his opposition:

On the behalf of Master Giraffe, congratulations Spencer Skey, Person of the Year 2008.

This guy who attaches 2 cars on top of one another, to see if it’s the best way to transport 4 people. Brilliant!

January, a month of awards. We’ve got the oscars coming up, we just had the golden globes and down under we’re waiting for the Hottest 100 songs of the year.

But the award everyone wants to know, is person of the year from Master Giraffe. So we’re leaving it up to you!

Poll is on the right hand side, hit it up baby!

DON’T FORGET YOU CAN VOTE FOR FIVE PEOPLE!!!

You heard me. A great big merry christmas from the folk at Master Giraffe. With this post comes an apology for our lack of activity recently, and a promise that soon Master Giraffe will be back in full force.

Huzzah!

Gemma Arterton

Ok so MG has been a gone missing again over the past few days. But we’re going to make it up to by giving our first Person of the Week award (we think) to a FEMALE! That’s amazing. Is it true that females haven’t done much this year? Or are the team at Master Giraffe just a bunch of sexist nerds?

However I must point out that our newest MG member, Ren, who is yet to make her MG debut, may have been the one with the idea for this week’s winner - and yes she’s a female.

No, we’re not giving her the award because she’s pretty. She’s person of the week because she once had 2 extra fingers on each hand. That’s awesome. What’s even better is that she admitted it and has no shame at all about it.

After undergoing an operation to have them removed, she still has bumpy scars as remainders of her extra digits.

The extra fingers were ‘tied’, which causes them to fall off naturally.

She tells Esquire magazine: ‘It’s my little oddity that I’m really proud of. It makes me different.’

Earlier this year, she revealed she was also born with a crumpled ear, which was corrected through surgery.

She said: ‘I was born with lots of deformities.’

Man, she should have kept those fingers. They would have been useful for many daily activities such as using video console controllers, speed texting and winning ‘how many cheezels can I fit on my fingers’ competitions.

Quantum of Solace anyone?

Sam Kekovich

We all know Sam loves lamb, but that’s not how he got the award. Sam was invited to speak at ‘Centre Square’, which is a function held at Punt Road oval before the AFL grand final every year. If you would like to attend it sets you back a cheap $1500.

This could be a fake speech, made up by some tool on the internet (no, not us), however it’s great and until whoever made it owns up, we’re giving the biscuit to Sam.

Here’s how it all goes down ladies and gentleman:

Grand Final Day 2008

My fellow Australians,

I’ve been invited here to talk to Centre Square, in these big marquees on Punt Road Oval. And speaking of Punt Road Oval, let me tell you something for nothing - Jack Dyer would be spinning in his grave if he could see the place right now. Full of a bunch of Collins Street corporate criminals, Chapel Street designer cats and Toorak poodle rooters who have about as much interest in football as Paris Hilton has an interest in astrophysics.

Captain Blood didn’t break every bone in his body and commit multiple acts of on-field heroism and homicide so he could see his beloved home ground turned into an over-priced pre-match party for chardonnay-swilling spivs and their assorted hangers-on attending their one footy match of the year, whilst tens of thousands of hard-working honest battlers who love the game and love their team
are denied the chance to attend the greatest game in the world.

I’ve had a gutful. Whilst this bunch of Armani-wearing, Audi-driving, Prada-carrying try-hards monopolise priceless vantage points in the MCG, millions of genuine footy fans who have followed their team through thick and thin have to make do by watching the game at home or down at the local pub, whilst the Melbourne spivocracy get to sit on their fat posteriors in a marquee and wouldn’t even know the way to the MCG without a tour guide.

Since most of you haven’t attended a single match this year and know nothing about football, let me give you a few tips - Geelong wears blue, Hawthorn wears brown, and in case you were wondering, there’ll be no fashions on the field at half-time, and no, the Lexus Centre across the road is not a prestige car dealership.

Centre Square is not only unfair. Centre Square is not only inequitable. Centre Square is downright un-Australian! And so are all of you! In fact, I bet you’re all so un-Australian that you all hate the Anzacs, you booed Cathy Freeman, and you want to cull cute cuddly koalas because one of them once jumped out in front of your Range Rover on the way to Mount Hotham.

But it’s not just you who are at fault. I also blame the AFL – those out-of-touch, opera-loving elitists at AFL headquarters who are responsible for this unconscionable abomination need to take a good hard look in the mirror. That is if they can handle the sight of moral and spiritual bankruptcy staring back at them.

I also blame the government. Our new Prime Minister has clearly failed his first test of leadership if he thinks it’s acceptable to allow an event like this to go ahead without a pre-emptive strike by the SAS. The PM is doing nothing to ease the squeeze on working families on the bottom rung of the ladder of opportunity who just want to see their team in the Granny. But he’d better get his act together and do something about it, or millions of angry footy fans will do it for him.

Revolutions have been started and governments have been overthrown for lesser outrages than this. And people ask why we need capital punishment.

So cut off your silver tails, tear up your fur coats and get fair dinkum. Our great Australian game is the greatest game in the world - the game of the people. Not some once-a-year marquee piss-up for an overpaid, over-dressed pack of passionless corporate cretins who only turn up for the free chardonnay and then spend the actual game looking about as interested and excited as a line of Easter Island statues.

So don’t bother coming across to the MCG this afternoon, because you’re not welcome. The next train out of Melbourne leaves Richmond station in 10 minutes - so make sure you’re on it. Or, better still, under it.

So don’t be un-Australian - everyone here in Centre Square can get stuffed! You know it makes sense. I’m Sam Kekovich.

Yves Rossy

This Swiss crazy cat, known to the world as JET MAN, became the first person in the history of ever to fly over the English channel… with a jetpack. Person of the Week? Person of Forever more like it. This guy ranks right up there with The Rocketeer, Boba Fett, Samus Aran, Buzz Lightyear and every other jetpack-equipped superstar.

Also, his first name backwards is Sevy, which is nearly savvy. That’s just undeniably fantastic.