Sport on Master Giraffe
Carlos Tevez and Anderson (Both players for Manchester United) do battle with BOARD GAMES.
We get a few suggestions for posts on Master Giraffe, and although most of them are brilliant, we sometimes have to break news to people that they’re suggestions are just not we’re looking for. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that it doesn’t cut the mustard.
Enter Spencer Skey, a lovely gentleman from Melbourne who sent us a suggestion for Whiplash the Monkey to be awarded Person of the Week. We watched the video (below) and decided that it just wasn’t Person of the Week material. So we decided to give the award to Gary Bakewell for his performance of Paul McCartney in the film Backbeat.
Ok, so one of us had to break the news to Spencer that his nomination wasn’t good enough. But we were scared, Spencer is a major supporter of the Giraffe and to knock him back could impact severely on Master Giraffe’s growing reputation.
I spoke to Spencer about the situation, and he didn’t take the news too well at all. “How could an actor who plays Paul McCartney because he looks like him get the award over Whiplash the rodeo monkey?”. Spencer was so pissed off that he started his own facebook group. Is there something between Spencer and Whiplash that we don’t know about? Are they the new Aladdin and Abu?
He did have a point, but what Spencer didn’t realise is that his efforts for spreading the point across to the world has in fact made us change our decision and award him person of the week with Gary Bakewell being demoted to ‘Wanker of the Week’. Can you feel the irony?
Watch the video below if you actually want to watch Whiplash the Rodeo Monkey, but we all know deep inside that Spencer Skey is the true winner of the person of the week award.
*Yes, it’s true, Gary Bakewell was our Person of the Week, but now he’s our Wanker of the Week. Sorry to confuse you.
Barry Hall
Barry, you are a wanker! Stop punching people because you can’t play football anymore and have a head that looks like a robber’s dog. Quit football and take up boxing, because everyone would like to see you cop a punch for once. Anthony Mundine, where are you?
*Barry Hall was previously Wanker of the Week, but due to Spencer Skey’s online petition we have made some changes, so now he’s just a wanker. But not a wanker of the week, because Barry doesn’t deserve that status and also if I ever run into Barry Hall I wouldn’t want to receive one of his special roundhouses. Gary Bakewell is now our wanker of the week.
Gareth Barry
I’m a big fan of the name Barry. Because most people with that name, are in fact just a total ‘Barry’. I”m also a big fan of the Liverpool Football Club.
It’s getting closer and closer to the point where Gareth Barry will jump ship from Aston Villa FC and join the team at Liverpool. I can’t wait. It’s not because Gareth Barry is a great player, will provide good support for Stevie Gerrard, but it’s because I can get the name ‘BARRY’ written across the back of my Liverpool top. Since people in Australia would have no idea who BARRY is, I can tell them that my name is Barry and that i’m just one of those tools who puts their own name on the back of a football kit.
Yeah, we got bored and decided to try kick nintendo toys into a bin whilst consuming alcoholic beverages.
Pierce Brosnan!
Why did we opt for Pierce Brosnan? Well to be honest, he did ruin James Bond. Don’t deny it. His Bond is like Adam West’s Batman. There’s no integrity. Then he redeemed himself. Pierce Brosnan uses Vita Lift from Loreal Men Expert, and as a result, he can ride a horse in slow motion and direct his comrades to something fucking awesome in the distance by pointing with the SMOOTHEST FINGERS IN THE WORLD.
If that doesn’t warrant a Person of the Week award, then we don’t know what does.
That’s right, who cares about Germany knocking Portugal out of the Euros when Austria dominated Germany 10-5 in a women’s topless soccer match.
Ok, so now no one actually cares about the game itself. The fact that I just mentioned topless, women, and soccer match in the same sentence has probably got everyone a bit excited (including you girls, don’t lie!).
Ok so the pictures? Well you’re going to have to click more to find out, but I’ll put the warning out there there is borderline NUDITY involved.
Fernando Torres!
This could be seen by a few people as quite a biased award, but I think i’ve got what it takes to back this award up. Fernando Torres, striker of Liverpool F.C., has made an outstanding start to football in the English Premier League, scoring 24 goals (breaking the record for most goals in a debut season) and a staggering 34 goals for the entire year across all competitions.
I can hear the calls coming about Cristiano Ronaldo, but we won’t get into that (but I will mention that Torres didn’t score any goals from penalties or free kicks). The fact is that in the past week Torres was offered 50 Million to leave Liverpool and join Chelsea.
Torres has come out and publicly stated he wants to remain at Liverpool, and become a hero amongst the fans (not that he already is anyway) like legend Kenny Dalglish. Like many other Liverpool fans, we’re all breathing a huge sigh of relief, now go get that 19th title for us Fernando!
Also, here is a Nike ad starring Torres, exclusive to Master Giraffe (no not really):
Oh and Fernando, if you want to come and collect your Person of the Week prize, just send us an email ok?
One of the best Nike ads I’ve seen for a while. It features Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Cesc Fabregas, Ronaldinho and Ibrahimovic.
If you’re getting paid millions of dollars a year to kick around a ball then I guess it’s fair if you also have a head like a smashed crab. Here are my top ten personal favourites…
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